---
Tracy Morse November 24 at 1:31pm
what threats ???
I want your car moved. you need help, go to mental health counsler before you allenate everyone around you. I can not be taking advantage of. Thats what you are doing.
---
Chad Worden November 25 at 2:20pm
You threatened to tow my vehicle, remember? Either I move it or you tow it is what you stated in your message. Look it over if you don't believe me. I cannot currently move it. I did not park it in your yard either. It is in your driveway in the exact location you directed me to park it, even though I told you I would be unable to move it afterward until it was repaired. You did agree to it. You insisted on it being where it was even after I pointed out the difficulties with it being there and getting your jeep out. I had wanted to park it behind the storage trailer out of the way, but you told me no because that was where you wanted your white vehicle parked.
I didn't think I was speaking or behaving in a manner consistent with needing to be seeing another therapist. The last time I went to one I was told to socialize and express myself to others, as I have done through blogging.
My intention is not to alienate others but rather be understood and completely transparent as to my position on things. I am tired of two-faced individuals, so I lay it all out for the world to see... emotionally speaking.
Also, how am I taking advantage of you? I have asked for you to hold my things and it appears to be that you are more interested in using my things being there as form of coercion. Now I'm not saying that is what you are doing, but it does seem to be a trend with you. I apologize if this is not the case.
In regards to your kidney failure, I have offered you in the past if you needed an organ donor that all you had to do was ask. If I can be of assistance in that regard, you already have my blood type information and other medical data with which to figure out a match.
I regret to tell you I will be unable to make Thanksgiving dinner either. Please extend my regards to family and friends. Should you wish a recipe from me, let me know and I will email one to you.
On a different subject, how is Jacob doing? I never received a response from the present I sent him on Facebook. My connection is kinda of crappy so it may have flubbed the invite, but hopefully not.
Anyways, I'll talk to you later. Hopefully when you're in a better mood you'll be less inclined towards having my vehicle towed.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
My mother...
The following is a conversation between my mother and I on Facebook. Perhaps she was just having a bad day and felt the need to dump on someone. I don't know. I just wish it had gone civil and smooth without profanity, negativity, insults, or threats. Alas, some words once spoken can never be taken back.
I do not know if it is morally correct to post such a private conversation, but I do feel this should be seen rather than heard from one perspective. To you, dear readers, I give you myself and my mother unedited. I allow you to come to your own conclusions and perhaps a solution to this issue. If you have anything you believe may help, please feel free to comment.
---
Between You and Tracy Morse
Tracy Morse November 22 at 9:28am
I have two letters here for you. why all the secret about where you are. stated you didnt know I was having a procedure done but you are the one that ran away not me. call me or email me. Your car needs to be moved out of my driveway, that was very wrong of you to leave it there without asking. I have a hard time moving my cars in my own driveway. It needs to go somewhere else beside my drveway.
Chad Worden November 23 at 6:39pm
Duane is coming to pick up the letters. The secret is because you still speak to Azalia and every time she gets the slightest amount of information about me she twists the knife deeper in my back. I didn't know you were having the procedure. I left because I couldn't deal with Azalia calling all the time or the arguments. I have emailed you, repeatedly actually. I did ask to leave my car there and you did say it was okay. I offered to move it around even to make it easier and you argued the point with me and I just shrugged and said okay, whatever you want. It can't go anywhere right now because of the tire due to the walnuts on the street that popped my tire.
I'd like to think that it being there would not be that big of a deal. After all, you are my mother. I would think you have my best interests in mind and the best interest of my children in mind. I would like to think that you of all people would have a very unique perspective on my current situation due to how closely it has mirrored yours with David.
I will be unable to move my truck until it is fixed. I will be unable to fix it until I have money. Right now I'm working on making things better for myself and, by proxy, my children and would appreciate your love and support as I make my way through this difficult time.
I need to be surrounded by positive things, rather than negative things and I need you to be able to be there for me in that sense. I need you to be able to help me because I can't do it alone right now. Please Mom, can you be there for me? I'm not asking a lot of you. I'm not asking for money. All I need is for you to look out for my best interests and my children's best interests.
Thank you, Mom. I love you and I'll talk to you later.
~Chad
Tracy Morse November 24 at 6:42am
ya know Chad you should really listen to yourself. you sound very paranod to think I have nothing better to do than worry about your problems. for the car, I said for that day it was ok, you never said you were eaving it there. it needs to be moved or I will have it towed. how inconsiderated of you to leave it in the middleof my driveway for the ast 5 weeks. what the hell. think about it? I am not a storage area for your shit. get a life Chad grow up and face your problems not run away. I would not let anyone leave their car abandon in my yard with a flat. walnuts cant pop a tire. and for emails you have just sent fwd crap. If you think so little of your mother that you ran away and it's a ecret where you are so be it, but remove your shit from my house. I do have a life and when it snows I can not plow my driveway. sorry to be blunt but that is the way life goes. for my health well it sucks, I am in kidney failure, maybe they can fix it maybe not. The procedure was scd. 3 days before I had it. I dont have time to email everyone separate so I putit on FB. I have no way to get a hold of you but on here because you will not call. For David's death, only person who knows what I have went thru is Scott and Jacob. They have been here to support me and a shouder to cry on. So dont go there you have no idea what I have been thru. You are my son I love you dearly but you are taking advantage of me and I will not be a doormat for anyone. man up and move your car and stop running away from your problems
Chad Worden November 24 at 8:26am
If that is the way you want it to be, then so be it. All I asked you for was understanding and patience and you have refused that. Instead you have respond with negativity, insults, and threats. I am saddened beyond words that you would react this way. Perhaps in time you will look over what you have said, realize its impact, change your mind and apologize.
---
For clarification, the vehicle was moved into the position she directed. Literally, she was standing there when I parked it and I did tell her it would be awhile before I could move it due to the flat tire. The short street to her driveway is strewn with walnut shells from nearby trees, some of which are actually quite sharp. I had just returned with my half-brother Jacob when we heard a noise from me running over a walnut, but ignored it. We found out later that it was due to the tire getting popped.
My mother and Azalia are still on speaking terms and she shares information freely with her, and has done so on multiple occasions. Currently, Azalia is not supposed to be passing such messages nor is my mother. She would frequently call my mother's house while she knew I was there, regardless of the fact that she had been given my mother's work schedule(by my mother, mind you) and her cell phone number and told to call on that line.
My mother speaks of me taking advantage of her. I am curious as to what she considers me doing to be taking advantage of her. I have some clothes and not more than four of five boxes in her upstairs guest room. That and my truck, which I have already described.
Personally, I do not believe she needs the additional stress she is putting herself under. I do understand her situation, as she had described it to me many times. She told me about the multiple dates with other men she had gone on while she was separated, not legally mind you, from David and then went ballistic when she found out David had been doing that for quite some time.
I truly wish I didn't care, but unfortunately that is not the case. I took David's death very hard and while I do not blame her for it like I have come to understand many do, I know from living with them when I was little that David was not the only one who contributed to the downfall of their marriage.
On my end, I kept trying to get people to come live with Azalia and I. I asked every single friend and immediate family member to come down and stay with us, preferably as a roommate to help us cover expenses, in order to get social interaction and to show people how things between us really were and get a determination as to what could be done to correct our relationship. I reached out for help to every source I had available to me and constantly tried for her.
I saw my mother and David do the same thing up until a few years before the end. Then they both just gave up. Then started the attacks by both parties, not just one or the other.
David was not mentally stable. That is a fact. He was on medication that he frequently refused to take. When he did take it, he was fine unless he started drinking or doing something else like that. He had multiple affairs during the course of the marriage, usually after a big argument between him and my mother, but he did love her until the end.
I remember at his funeral that my mother sobbingly said she still would have taken him back, even after everything. That is love. That is unconditional love and it takes strength beyond measure to hold that through pain and heartbreak. Sadly, there are not many who have that strength. This is the same love that marriage and family is supposed to be based on, to give until it hurts and then give some more.
I apologize, I appear to have gone slightly out into left field on this rant. As always, this is an uncensored look into my mind and I sincerely hope I have not offended anyone in my ramblings.
I do not know if it is morally correct to post such a private conversation, but I do feel this should be seen rather than heard from one perspective. To you, dear readers, I give you myself and my mother unedited. I allow you to come to your own conclusions and perhaps a solution to this issue. If you have anything you believe may help, please feel free to comment.
---
Between You and Tracy Morse
Tracy Morse November 22 at 9:28am
I have two letters here for you. why all the secret about where you are. stated you didnt know I was having a procedure done but you are the one that ran away not me. call me or email me. Your car needs to be moved out of my driveway, that was very wrong of you to leave it there without asking. I have a hard time moving my cars in my own driveway. It needs to go somewhere else beside my drveway.
Chad Worden November 23 at 6:39pm
Duane is coming to pick up the letters. The secret is because you still speak to Azalia and every time she gets the slightest amount of information about me she twists the knife deeper in my back. I didn't know you were having the procedure. I left because I couldn't deal with Azalia calling all the time or the arguments. I have emailed you, repeatedly actually. I did ask to leave my car there and you did say it was okay. I offered to move it around even to make it easier and you argued the point with me and I just shrugged and said okay, whatever you want. It can't go anywhere right now because of the tire due to the walnuts on the street that popped my tire.
I'd like to think that it being there would not be that big of a deal. After all, you are my mother. I would think you have my best interests in mind and the best interest of my children in mind. I would like to think that you of all people would have a very unique perspective on my current situation due to how closely it has mirrored yours with David.
I will be unable to move my truck until it is fixed. I will be unable to fix it until I have money. Right now I'm working on making things better for myself and, by proxy, my children and would appreciate your love and support as I make my way through this difficult time.
I need to be surrounded by positive things, rather than negative things and I need you to be able to be there for me in that sense. I need you to be able to help me because I can't do it alone right now. Please Mom, can you be there for me? I'm not asking a lot of you. I'm not asking for money. All I need is for you to look out for my best interests and my children's best interests.
Thank you, Mom. I love you and I'll talk to you later.
~Chad
Tracy Morse November 24 at 6:42am
ya know Chad you should really listen to yourself. you sound very paranod to think I have nothing better to do than worry about your problems. for the car, I said for that day it was ok, you never said you were eaving it there. it needs to be moved or I will have it towed. how inconsiderated of you to leave it in the middleof my driveway for the ast 5 weeks. what the hell. think about it? I am not a storage area for your shit. get a life Chad grow up and face your problems not run away. I would not let anyone leave their car abandon in my yard with a flat. walnuts cant pop a tire. and for emails you have just sent fwd crap. If you think so little of your mother that you ran away and it's a ecret where you are so be it, but remove your shit from my house. I do have a life and when it snows I can not plow my driveway. sorry to be blunt but that is the way life goes. for my health well it sucks, I am in kidney failure, maybe they can fix it maybe not. The procedure was scd. 3 days before I had it. I dont have time to email everyone separate so I putit on FB. I have no way to get a hold of you but on here because you will not call. For David's death, only person who knows what I have went thru is Scott and Jacob. They have been here to support me and a shouder to cry on. So dont go there you have no idea what I have been thru. You are my son I love you dearly but you are taking advantage of me and I will not be a doormat for anyone. man up and move your car and stop running away from your problems
Chad Worden November 24 at 8:26am
If that is the way you want it to be, then so be it. All I asked you for was understanding and patience and you have refused that. Instead you have respond with negativity, insults, and threats. I am saddened beyond words that you would react this way. Perhaps in time you will look over what you have said, realize its impact, change your mind and apologize.
---
For clarification, the vehicle was moved into the position she directed. Literally, she was standing there when I parked it and I did tell her it would be awhile before I could move it due to the flat tire. The short street to her driveway is strewn with walnut shells from nearby trees, some of which are actually quite sharp. I had just returned with my half-brother Jacob when we heard a noise from me running over a walnut, but ignored it. We found out later that it was due to the tire getting popped.
My mother and Azalia are still on speaking terms and she shares information freely with her, and has done so on multiple occasions. Currently, Azalia is not supposed to be passing such messages nor is my mother. She would frequently call my mother's house while she knew I was there, regardless of the fact that she had been given my mother's work schedule(by my mother, mind you) and her cell phone number and told to call on that line.
My mother speaks of me taking advantage of her. I am curious as to what she considers me doing to be taking advantage of her. I have some clothes and not more than four of five boxes in her upstairs guest room. That and my truck, which I have already described.
Personally, I do not believe she needs the additional stress she is putting herself under. I do understand her situation, as she had described it to me many times. She told me about the multiple dates with other men she had gone on while she was separated, not legally mind you, from David and then went ballistic when she found out David had been doing that for quite some time.
I truly wish I didn't care, but unfortunately that is not the case. I took David's death very hard and while I do not blame her for it like I have come to understand many do, I know from living with them when I was little that David was not the only one who contributed to the downfall of their marriage.
On my end, I kept trying to get people to come live with Azalia and I. I asked every single friend and immediate family member to come down and stay with us, preferably as a roommate to help us cover expenses, in order to get social interaction and to show people how things between us really were and get a determination as to what could be done to correct our relationship. I reached out for help to every source I had available to me and constantly tried for her.
I saw my mother and David do the same thing up until a few years before the end. Then they both just gave up. Then started the attacks by both parties, not just one or the other.
David was not mentally stable. That is a fact. He was on medication that he frequently refused to take. When he did take it, he was fine unless he started drinking or doing something else like that. He had multiple affairs during the course of the marriage, usually after a big argument between him and my mother, but he did love her until the end.
I remember at his funeral that my mother sobbingly said she still would have taken him back, even after everything. That is love. That is unconditional love and it takes strength beyond measure to hold that through pain and heartbreak. Sadly, there are not many who have that strength. This is the same love that marriage and family is supposed to be based on, to give until it hurts and then give some more.
I apologize, I appear to have gone slightly out into left field on this rant. As always, this is an uncensored look into my mind and I sincerely hope I have not offended anyone in my ramblings.
Friday, November 6, 2009
Monday, November 2, 2009
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
To those of you reading my blogs and getting upset.
I'm not doing well right now, but I'm working through it. I have suicidal thoughts when I'm pushed beyond what I think I can handle. I'm not doing it to be selfish. I blog to work out my feelings and emotions, like I used to do with my private notebook before Azalia went through my things and read it. I was very hurt by that, especially since she read it to others too.
I post my entries from Ping.fm which doesn't set things as private when you post them, but I don't care about hiding my thoughts and emotions because my privacy may get violated anyways. There are glitches in software and people who will always try to hack someone's account and reveal their private lives. Why bother hiding it if it would be less painful to just have it out there to begin with?
What you read is the inner workings of my mind. I hurt, a lot, but I chose not to be here for now. If my thoughts and emotions and my sharing of them upsets you, I'm sorry. It is how I deal with things, my coping mechanism.
I write it down without censoring myself, and then I read it. I evaluate what I may be doing right and what I may be doing wrong and try to make things better. The physical representation of my mind on a page allows me to explore more deeply just what is going on in my life and how I am dealing with it in comparison to how I should be dealing with it. I put it out there for the world to see because I don't like secrets, lies, or deception. I am real.
I love my family. I love my friends and that includes all of you I've spoken online with. Most of all, I love my children.
Life is a series of moments, my friends. It's only purpose is that which we give it. Regardless of religious decree or moral imperative, the immutable truth of existence is Panta Rei Ouden Meni. Perhaps an oxymoron due to it being a rule itself, but translated from Greek it means "everything flows, nothing is static." Enjoy what moments come your way, allow and help others to do the same.
No one needs to suffer in this world. We have the ability to eliminate that, but not the desire. We could all spend every day of our lives creating and making the world brighter and more fulfilling for everyone, but instead we grasp at every feeble and selfish desire with the tenacity of a drowning rat.
I've said it before it my writings that a few friends have read, that no one can control you unless you let them. In a sense that is true, because at the end of the day when you rest your head wherever you may be, you are the one who ultimately has to learn to live with your life and the choices you have made. However, there is something to be said about environment and the choices dictated by it. Not everyone has been given the opportunity to pursue the choices they would like to make and the majority of those choices are made in ignorance of what the outcome may be or with intentions far removed from the reality of the situation.
I want to be home right now, with my wife and children. I wish my most pressing concern was my school work, keeping up with my classes, getting the kids ready for school themselves, perhaps getting a few moments alone to be an Adult and a person of my own and not what the necessities of the situation dictate my choices are. Sadly, that is not where I am right now and that choice was not mine to make. It was dictated by others through lies and manipulation.
I've ranted enough. If you've made it this far and are still offended, then all I can say is I am sorry to have offended you. Have a nice day.
I post my entries from Ping.fm which doesn't set things as private when you post them, but I don't care about hiding my thoughts and emotions because my privacy may get violated anyways. There are glitches in software and people who will always try to hack someone's account and reveal their private lives. Why bother hiding it if it would be less painful to just have it out there to begin with?
What you read is the inner workings of my mind. I hurt, a lot, but I chose not to be here for now. If my thoughts and emotions and my sharing of them upsets you, I'm sorry. It is how I deal with things, my coping mechanism.
I write it down without censoring myself, and then I read it. I evaluate what I may be doing right and what I may be doing wrong and try to make things better. The physical representation of my mind on a page allows me to explore more deeply just what is going on in my life and how I am dealing with it in comparison to how I should be dealing with it. I put it out there for the world to see because I don't like secrets, lies, or deception. I am real.
I love my family. I love my friends and that includes all of you I've spoken online with. Most of all, I love my children.
Life is a series of moments, my friends. It's only purpose is that which we give it. Regardless of religious decree or moral imperative, the immutable truth of existence is Panta Rei Ouden Meni. Perhaps an oxymoron due to it being a rule itself, but translated from Greek it means "everything flows, nothing is static." Enjoy what moments come your way, allow and help others to do the same.
No one needs to suffer in this world. We have the ability to eliminate that, but not the desire. We could all spend every day of our lives creating and making the world brighter and more fulfilling for everyone, but instead we grasp at every feeble and selfish desire with the tenacity of a drowning rat.
I've said it before it my writings that a few friends have read, that no one can control you unless you let them. In a sense that is true, because at the end of the day when you rest your head wherever you may be, you are the one who ultimately has to learn to live with your life and the choices you have made. However, there is something to be said about environment and the choices dictated by it. Not everyone has been given the opportunity to pursue the choices they would like to make and the majority of those choices are made in ignorance of what the outcome may be or with intentions far removed from the reality of the situation.
I want to be home right now, with my wife and children. I wish my most pressing concern was my school work, keeping up with my classes, getting the kids ready for school themselves, perhaps getting a few moments alone to be an Adult and a person of my own and not what the necessities of the situation dictate my choices are. Sadly, that is not where I am right now and that choice was not mine to make. It was dictated by others through lies and manipulation.
I've ranted enough. If you've made it this far and are still offended, then all I can say is I am sorry to have offended you. Have a nice day.
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