Sunday, May 8, 2011

Mother's Day

For all those Mother's today whom I appreciate, you're one of my favorite parents.

For all those Mothers I hate today, I hope you die in a fire.

For those I'm more apathetic towards, may you live long enough to shit yourself.

If you don't know which of these three categories you fit in, ask yourself these questions:
  1. Do I talk to you?
  2. Do I talk about you?
  3. Do you think I would like to see you shit yourself?
If you answered yes to the first one, you have a good chance of being a class "A" mother. If you answered yes to both one and two, you are almost certainly class "A". If you answered no to the first but yes to the second, you are likely class "B". If you answered no to the first and second, you are class "C". If you answered yes to the third, you're changing your own diapers.

In conclusion, it is four five-thirty in the morning and I haven't slept yet. If you don't know whether or not I hate you, ask me and I'll be sure to let you know. Otherwise I probably have said exactly how I feel.

Now go change your diapers, Mother. I ordered you extra-jumbo size samples from Walmart again. I hope they finally arrived. Oh, and I hope the support group for adults with incontinence is helping.

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