The following is a conversation between my mother and I on Facebook. Perhaps she was just having a bad day and felt the need to dump on someone. I don't know. I just wish it had gone civil and smooth without profanity, negativity, insults, or threats. Alas, some words once spoken can never be taken back.
I do not know if it is morally correct to post such a private conversation, but I do feel this should be seen rather than heard from one perspective. To you, dear readers, I give you myself and my mother unedited. I allow you to come to your own conclusions and perhaps a solution to this issue. If you have anything you believe may help, please feel free to comment.
Between You and Tracy Morse
Tracy Morse November 22 at 9:28am
I have two letters here for you. why all the secret about where you are. stated you didnt know I was having a procedure done but you are the one that ran away not me. call me or email me. Your car needs to be moved out of my driveway, that was very wrong of you to leave it there without asking. I have a hard time moving my cars in my own driveway. It needs to go somewhere else beside my drveway.
Chad Worden November 23 at 6:39pm
Duane is coming to pick up the letters. The secret is because you still speak to Azalia and every time she gets the slightest amount of information about me she twists the knife deeper in my back. I didn't know you were having the procedure. I left because I couldn't deal with Azalia calling all the time or the arguments. I have emailed you, repeatedly actually. I did ask to leave my car there and you did say it was okay. I offered to move it around even to make it easier and you argued the point with me and I just shrugged and said okay, whatever you want. It can't go anywhere right now because of the tire due to the walnuts on the street that popped my tire.
I'd like to think that it being there would not be that big of a deal. After all, you are my mother. I would think you have my best interests in mind and the best interest of my children in mind. I would like to think that you of all people would have a very unique perspective on my current situation due to how closely it has mirrored yours with David.
I will be unable to move my truck until it is fixed. I will be unable to fix it until I have money. Right now I'm working on making things better for myself and, by proxy, my children and would appreciate your love and support as I make my way through this difficult time.
I need to be surrounded by positive things, rather than negative things and I need you to be able to be there for me in that sense. I need you to be able to help me because I can't do it alone right now. Please Mom, can you be there for me? I'm not asking a lot of you. I'm not asking for money. All I need is for you to look out for my best interests and my children's best interests.
Thank you, Mom. I love you and I'll talk to you later.
Tracy Morse November 24 at 6:42am
ya know Chad you should really listen to yourself. you sound very paranod to think I have nothing better to do than worry about your problems. for the car, I said for that day it was ok, you never said you were eaving it there. it needs to be moved or I will have it towed. how inconsiderated of you to leave it in the middleof my driveway for the ast 5 weeks. what the hell. think about it? I am not a storage area for your shit. get a life Chad grow up and face your problems not run away. I would not let anyone leave their car abandon in my yard with a flat. walnuts cant pop a tire. and for emails you have just sent fwd crap. If you think so little of your mother that you ran away and it's a ecret where you are so be it, but remove your shit from my house. I do have a life and when it snows I can not plow my driveway. sorry to be blunt but that is the way life goes. for my health well it sucks, I am in kidney failure, maybe they can fix it maybe not. The procedure was scd. 3 days before I had it. I dont have time to email everyone separate so I putit on FB. I have no way to get a hold of you but on here because you will not call. For David's death, only person who knows what I have went thru is Scott and Jacob. They have been here to support me and a shouder to cry on. So dont go there you have no idea what I have been thru. You are my son I love you dearly but you are taking advantage of me and I will not be a doormat for anyone. man up and move your car and stop running away from your problems
Chad Worden November 24 at 8:26am
If that is the way you want it to be, then so be it. All I asked you for was understanding and patience and you have refused that. Instead you have respond with negativity, insults, and threats. I am saddened beyond words that you would react this way. Perhaps in time you will look over what you have said, realize its impact, change your mind and apologize.
For clarification, the vehicle was moved into the position she directed. Literally, she was standing there when I parked it and I did tell her it would be awhile before I could move it due to the flat tire. The short street to her driveway is strewn with walnut shells from nearby trees, some of which are actually quite sharp. I had just returned with my half-brother Jacob when we heard a noise from me running over a walnut, but ignored it. We found out later that it was due to the tire getting popped.
My mother and Azalia are still on speaking terms and she shares information freely with her, and has done so on multiple occasions. Currently, Azalia is not supposed to be passing such messages nor is my mother. She would frequently call my mother's house while she knew I was there, regardless of the fact that she had been given my mother's work schedule(by my mother, mind you) and her cell phone number and told to call on that line.
My mother speaks of me taking advantage of her. I am curious as to what she considers me doing to be taking advantage of her. I have some clothes and not more than four of five boxes in her upstairs guest room. That and my truck, which I have already described.
Personally, I do not believe she needs the additional stress she is putting herself under. I do understand her situation, as she had described it to me many times. She told me about the multiple dates with other men she had gone on while she was separated, not legally mind you, from David and then went ballistic when she found out David had been doing that for quite some time.
I truly wish I didn't care, but unfortunately that is not the case. I took David's death very hard and while I do not blame her for it like I have come to understand many do, I know from living with them when I was little that David was not the only one who contributed to the downfall of their marriage.
On my end, I kept trying to get people to come live with Azalia and I. I asked every single friend and immediate family member to come down and stay with us, preferably as a roommate to help us cover expenses, in order to get social interaction and to show people how things between us really were and get a determination as to what could be done to correct our relationship. I reached out for help to every source I had available to me and constantly tried for her.
I saw my mother and David do the same thing up until a few years before the end. Then they both just gave up. Then started the attacks by both parties, not just one or the other.
David was not mentally stable. That is a fact. He was on medication that he frequently refused to take. When he did take it, he was fine unless he started drinking or doing something else like that. He had multiple affairs during the course of the marriage, usually after a big argument between him and my mother, but he did love her until the end.
I remember at his funeral that my mother sobbingly said she still would have taken him back, even after everything. That is love. That is unconditional love and it takes strength beyond measure to hold that through pain and heartbreak. Sadly, there are not many who have that strength. This is the same love that marriage and family is supposed to be based on, to give until it hurts and then give some more.
I apologize, I appear to have gone slightly out into left field on this rant. As always, this is an uncensored look into my mind and I sincerely hope I have not offended anyone in my ramblings.